Talking to Toddlers Review – Now When I Talk, My Toddler Actually Listens!
I thought I was skilled in handling preschoolers, but I never considered language techniques as a means of modifying behavior. Chris Thompson’s Talking to Toddlers: Dealing with the terrible twos and beyond has opened up a new avenue of thought for me and for anyone who is trying to change the moods of stubborn toddlers. If you’re still struggling at mealtimes, their bedtime or just listening to you, then please continue to read.
At first I was skeptical because what has this “NLP” got to do with handling a two-year-old?
Turns out it is pretty relevant after all. Chris uses language techniques to help toddlers behave better. He doesn’t hypnotize them at all; he just uses their fertile little minds as a growing field in which to seed behavior suggestions. He mixes what he knows about hypnosis with the 15 years he spent studying language techniques to come up with a pretty unique approach to parenting.
What he works on is helping them change how they feel. The result is his refreshing point of view. He does not buy into the popular cultural where millions of new parents believe that out-of-control toddlers in bawling, screaming temper tantrums are just part of being two, and they have no choice but to watch helplessly and wait for the child to grow into a new phase.
I implemented two of Chris’s methods successfully within a few days of learning about them. The first is his assumption that behavior is driven by emotion, not logic. I’d always somehow thought if I told a three-year-old that she needed to sleep so she’d stay healthy that it would mean something. But the child making the emotional choice that she doesn’t want to go to bed is too young to comprehend the logical link of sleep to good health. So by using the reframing method, I told her I understood because sometimes I didn’t want to go to bed either (Tip: by using this phrase, I’m heightening our rapport by entering the child’s world)
Then I calmly turned off the television and the lights, since these things go off at night, but I said I’d be happy to play in the dark. After a couple more minutes, I said I was just going to lie down in my bed for a few minutes and think about all the games I could play overnight and invited her to join me. She happily curled up beside me. Within two minutes, she was sound asleep, no tears, no trauma. (Tip: I was able to reframe her mind, turning an resistive task into something fun which was accepted by the child)
Honestly, sometimes I shot down a child request with a quick “NO” that didn’t really need to be shot down. I ask myself am I just being lazy or lacking creativity. I felt kids shouldn’t be deprive of bonding time with us due to our “laziness”. For example, it’s way past her bedtime, I know she’s tired from her school, I’m tired too but she still insists on playing her toys that will probably stretch her bedtime further. I first use the “Compliance Sets” (one method from lesson 4) to get her to “comply” & keep her toys.
“Hey, I found your favorite penguin, she’s been hiding under the couch all these while!”
(Pretend you pick it up from under the couch)
“Does this penguin has a name?”
(Get her to name the toy)
“Can you show me how it walks?
(Get her to show you how to play it)
“Wow! That’s so fun! Come let’s clean up these other toys so we can play with them again tomorrow!”
Then I try to get her to commit her actions (lesson 5) by doing her bedtime routine herself:
1. Putting her favorite book beside her pillow.
2. Putting toothpaste on her toothbrush.
3. Gather her soft toys friends for story telling.
As Chris pointed out, the commitment and consistency method works best when you get them to involved in activities in a positive frame of mind. They’ll be more committed in a positive way, so more likely to follow through whatever you want them to do (emotional commitment).
The above 2 examples demonstrated how we can use language to influence the behavior & change the situation to a positive outcome instead of a meltdown. Another plus for me is that the language techniques foster two-way conversations between you and your toddler. Chris understands that children need to talk and listen to grow creatively, not just be the recipients of lectures or scolding.
You can read more about Chris Thompson’s author bio here.
What’s In The Package?
It consists of 12 downloadable MP3′s along with a PDF of the course summary and assignment worksheets. It’s very critical that you complete the worksheet after every lesson. Each track lessons vary between 15 to 20 minutes long.
What I Like About This Course
The course is very easy to follow with each lesson only 15 minutes long. With the assignment after every lesson, it “forces” you to practice what you’ve learnt. I think this is a great way to learn.
It also introduces interesting concepts on NLP which are not limited to children. We can even use these techniques on adults like co-workers or family members.
What I Don’t Like
I’m new to the concepts on NLP, so when Chris talked about the hypnosis & programming techniques, could be difficult to comprehend initially. But after reading the manual couple of times, I’ve no problem executing the methods. Chris mentioned some books & resources if we’re interested to know more about psychology & persuasion.
What I like best about his technique is that it is respectful of young children and their dignity. He accepts that they are individuals with minds of their own. He is non-judgmental of children and keenly aware that they need to get their feelings out. He encourages children be honest with their emotions.
To be honest, these language tools do no come with 100% success rates but they do WORK. If you’re handling well with your children, then consider these techniques as additional tools which may come in handy at times when your usual tactic fails. If you’re struggling to communicate & getting them to listen, then I highly encourage you to look at this audio course.
Mark’s Thank You BONUS
To thank you for making a purchase via my affiliate link, I’m happy to offer this BONUS guide which I’m sure you’ll find it useful. It consists of the most asked questions from parents on the discussion boards, forums & Internet. Experienced parents have been kind enough to share their tips & tricks on what works on their children to make their parenting journey more enjoyable. You can pick up a tip or two from this list.
“Top 20 Most Asked Parenting Questions”
Tips & Solutions Included!”
Here’s a sample of what you can expect to read:
– How to get my kids to stop watching TV? (Never unplug the TV or hide the remote, try these ideas instead)
– My toddler wants only junk food. What should I do? (you must have the heart of steel to try this method!)
– What can I do if my toddler refuses to eat vegetables? (here’s 1 innovative tip from a parent. Hint: not puree or disguising the veggies)
– How can I encourage my shy child? (shyness is common in preschool, luckily there are ways to overcome them)
– And many more!
Again, the guide above is available as a BONUS to those who purchase through my affiliate link.
To claim them, simply forward your receipt to [email protected] and I’ll send you a link to download the guide to your computer which you can enjoy right away.
And finally, if you have any questions, feel free to contact me so I can help.
Reviewed by ParentingBagofTricks